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Life Skills Don't Bring
Happiness
By Colleen Tomko
Just as the old saying goes that money
doesn't bring happiness, I believe the same applies to learning "life
skills." Money can enhance a person's happiness, but it cannot buy it.
Life skills can also enhance a person's life, but are not an end all to
happiness. It is also wrong to assume that the lack of life skills or
money necessarily equates to an unhappy unrewarding life.
What are the things that give a person a
"quality life" or "happiness?" Most people answer this by describing
friendships, relationships, good times, and things such as having a
sense of belonging and love. Very rarely, if ever, do people state that
hair combing, vacuuming, tying their shoes, counting change or even
grocery shopping are the things that make their life special.
Many people without disabilities do not
cook, clean or grocery shop. Some hire others and some live with a
spouse, relative or roommate who takes over these tasks. Almost everyone
goes out to eat, or gets fast food. People go to hairdressers, wear,
hats, wigs or shave their heads and do not need to use a comb. Many
people without disabilities wear shoes that slip on, like loafers,
sandals, or those that have Velcro straps. Teenagers think it is cool to
leave their laces untied. Many people do not count change, but throw it
right in their pockets or use MAC cards. Yet, for children with
disabilities, teaching them these types of skills are often the main
focus.
Our systems are designed that children
with disabilities must master life skills to earn access to the things
that can provide quality of life. Schools tell parents their job is to
teach academics. In the same breathe they often say children do not
belong in regular classes because they need "life skills". I feel that
life skills, without the things that give most people's lives quality,
are of little significance. We put the cart in front of the horse when
we expect life skills will give children the ingredients for a happy
productive life.
In addition, children with disabilities
are put under a magnifying glass and analyzed over and over again. Very
often, without experiencing the typical childhood experiences and
interactions, they are expected to learn to be "more" typical then most
children. Then if and when someone or some policy deems them "normal"
enough, they can move on to sharing typical experiences with others.
Some people believe in grouping children
separate to learn life skills because they feel the world will not adapt
for each child. That children need skills first before they can belong
in the bigger world. I disagree because this view makes the presumption
that every child is capable of mastering the skills; it ignores teaching
children to function in typical environments using their abilities,
adaptations or supports; and it focuses on weaknesses, not quality of
life. My child is learning to adapt to the real world as he is, and
others are learning how to function and interact with him. I feel that
as children with disabilities are included in all aspects of their
communities the real world "will" begin to adapt to their needs. This is
more likely to occur when children with and without disabilities grow up
together, knowing and caring about each other. With today's technology,
those things that make daily routines easier for people with
disabilities, are quickly being embraced by others as ways to make their
lives easier, faster and more convenient.
A quality life is achieved through a
balance in meeting physical, social, mental and spiritual needs in an
integrated way. Fulfillment in each area effects functioning in every
other area of life. When people feel healthy they can function better
then if they are sick, hungry or tired. Having a sense of belonging
gives more motivation then feeling alienated, isolated or alone. Being
involved, stimulated and challenged gives greater focus then doing
simple tedious tasks. Doing something that has meaning and purpose is
more desirable then doing something that appears to be useless or a
waste of time.
Can life skills be taught in "any"
environment while maintaining an overall quality of life? Physically,
children could have good health, safety and shelter in a variety of
environments. Socially, they can not maintain an identity and sense of
belonging with children in their community unless they remain in the
same environments with them. Mentally, separate environments can be
challenging and stimulating, however, they can not duplicate the entire
atmosphere of the real world. Spiritually, teaching life skills in
places where they are not typically encountered, and at times when they
aren't necessarily needed does not provide purpose and meaning.
If a child has the potential to learn
certain skills, the learning can be enhanced by meeting all of his or
her basic needs, and by teaching when and where the skills are naturally
needed. It makes sense to teach making a bed in the morning when a child
needs to have his or her own bed made. Cutting paper should be taught
when a child has a need and desire to cut the paper, toileting skills
when there is a need to use the bathroom, and so on. My child did not
learn to string beads by repetitious practice, but by a similar motion
of plugging the cord on his Sega game, which was of great meaning and
purpose to him. At the age of eight, he has not yet mastered a shape
sorter, but by letting him use his abilities, he operates a computer and
accesses the internet. He drinks out of a regular cup because we gave
him a cup to drink out of, not because we thought he was "ready". He has
friends in his community, not because he mastered any particular skill,
but because he is in the regular class and shares experiences with other
children who have learned to know him and understand his needs. He
learned to place his order at McDonald's not from practice, but because
he goes there with friends and family, and when using his communication
device to ask for a cheeseburger he gets one.
Spending a lot of money and/or performing
a ton of life skills will not give a person the same happiness as when
they have a sense of belonging, friendships and relationships with
others, good health, and are doing things that are desirable, meaningful
and purposeful to the individual. Through adaptations, supports and
interdependency quality of life does not need to be sacrificed when a
child is not able to master certain life skills. It is more important to
help a child learn to use his or her abilities, then attempt to
eradicate the disability. Success needs to be measured in quality of
life, not quantity of skills. Before any child's life can be enhanced
with life skills, they need to first have a life.
Written by Colleen F. Tomko
Material Copyrighted 1996 Kids Together, Inc.
This material may be copied for non-profit use only. My not be
copied onto other websites, but may be linked. Please notify us of your
intentions.
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